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niracler

niracler

长门大明神会梦到外星羊么?
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2403-4-🍵-🦠-🌰

March, the turning point of my life. The world's fog has only opened a little; whether it's heaven or hell, I suppose I must go and see for myself.

🍵 - An Unexpected Start#

The Arrival of Cold Waves: Constricted Spaces#

At the beginning of this month, I was inexplicably invited to an unexpected 🍵 meeting. This scene reminded me of when I was playing "Baldur's Gate 3," just disembarked from the spaceship, and within half an hour of the plot, I was dragged into prison. This incident stemmed from my previous (now) following of a certain account on platform X, which led to my unwarranted involvement. As a result, my X and Telegram accounts were canceled under an irresistible force. (Who is inflating the KPIs!!!)

Thus, I set foot in a police station for the first time in my life, and in such an absurd manner. The specific details cannot be disclosed here, or I might replicate the situation again. However, perhaps I can give you a version through a private chat on TG. ([[🍵 What I Experienced That Day]])

This incident hit me quite hard, especially since my TG channel had been around for six years, filled with memories. It is particularly regrettable that I only granted admin rights to my secondary account and did not give admin rights to add bots, which means I can no longer add bots to the channel. The only way now is to freeze this channel; you should be able to see the corpse of my channel in my Blog's Profile.

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Regrouping: Future Strategies#

If I were to say what I did wrong before, the problem was that I was almost using my real name online. In light of the situation I encountered, I began to reflect on how to maximize the protection of my identity. Here are a few self-rescue insights I've gathered:

  1. Differentiating Avatar and ID: Ensure that the avatars and IDs on domestic and foreign platforms are different. Using overly conspicuous IDs may lead to being searchable in various domestic databases, so it's advisable to avoid directly linking personal identity information. (My previous ID was too obvious; any high school student could easily search online and find me.)
  2. Avoiding Distinct Personal Features: Avoid choosing overly distinctive ID features. According to the TF-IDF algorithm, selecting some more generic IDs, like Steve Jobs, can better conceal personal identity among numerous pieces of information. (So I want to take it a step further and use different IDs across platforms.)
  3. Do Not Use Domestic Emails for Foreign Services: Email content is hard to avoid scrutiny domestically; if suspicious tendencies are discovered, the corresponding email platform may be forced to cooperate and hand over data. Now, I try to use randomly generated emails from fastmail for registration on various websites (which is indeed convenient with 1Password).
  4. 。。。(There are many more)

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The core principle is "I cannot let others infer which domestic account I have through my foreign account." However, doing so will have a huge impact on establishing a personal IP, and the information across platforms will become exceptionally fragmented. Because the means of counter-tracking is to prevent others from having a complete understanding of me, which is contrary to the idea of establishing a personal IP.

It's entirely a method of self-castration to seek survival. I also vaguely feel that this is largely just self-indulgence. (It might also be a reaction to PTSD; perhaps over time, I will recover.)

PS. I won't promote my new channel.

🦠 - Troubled by Illness#

After the New Year, things have not been quiet; I've been coughing non-stop. Being sick is truly frustrating. Over the course of about a month, I experienced two rounds of illness:

Fever (2D) -> Runny Nose (2D) -> Persistent Cough (14D)

I wonder if this is due to the aftereffects of COVID-19. Now, I easily cough into bronchitis whenever I catch a cold, which never happened before.
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During a visit to the emergency room, the hospital was packed. Unless you have a fever of thirty-nine degrees, you might have to wait nine hours to be seen. In the end, I couldn't get seen and had to go home empty-handed. Moreover, appointments for the respiratory department on Sundays can only be scheduled for Thursday, and the hospital is truly overwhelmed.

Fortunately, I have finally recovered quite a bit. Looking back, it seems this illness indirectly led me to confront my boss and resign.

🌰 - Time to Open the Map#

Yes, at this point, I have already resigned.

Procrastination is a Bad Habit#

It took me half a year to finally resign; the most suitable time was a year and a half ago. However, at that time, I was filled with countless fears and unable to face the unpredictable future. And it turns out that procrastination made the reality I faced increasingly difficult. (The employment environment right after the pandemic was much better than this year's situation.)

I should say that writing xlog has helped me regain a sense of self to some extent.

But missing out is just missing out; it is what it is. Continuing to procrastinate would only lead to a worse outcome for both parties.

WHY#

The reasons for my resignation are complex, but ultimately, it still boils down to personal choice and direction. The weariness with my current job, the desire to change jobs, and the people around me—all these are reasons. Specifically, there are three main points: one is what I mentioned before, one I will mention later, and one that hasn't been mentioned yet.

I find it hard to imagine repeating the same routine with the same people day after day in the same place. After all, I am a greedy and weary person. As the following passage states:

A person's height is defined by their vision; if you see the same kind of people every day, read the same types of books/videos, and (read) write code belonging to the same domain, then your vision is likely not broad enough. The internet is developing at a rapid pace, and changes are swift; if you confine yourself to a small world, it's easy to become like the people in Tao Yuanming's Peach Blossom Spring: unaware of the Han, regardless of Wei and Jin.

Later - Perhaps Worse#

Perhaps what awaits me is an even worse future, and I might have to give up YY for XX. But perhaps this is also something I am destined to endure. I am still young; if I fail next time, there will be another chance to rise again.

I can't say I'm an excellent person; I rarely invest myself wholeheartedly in work. Just as a magician cannot cast spells they cannot imagine, I have also, in a sense, defined and limited myself. I even doubt whether I truly perceive and recognize my own issues.

The only thing I can be sure of is that my views and what I think are correct are mostly wrong, even absurdly naive. All I can do is continuously perceive and adjust them.

I want to go to a place with subways outside of Guangdong. "Cities without subways are like being nailed to the map—unable to move." I really don't like being so close to home; it's like I've never stepped out of my front door.

PS. The fog of my world has only opened a little; whether it's heaven or hell, I suppose I must go and see for myself.

Works#

Work & Product NameMediumProgressRatingComments
The Buried FurlianAnimation100%10/10Rarely have I been able to binge-watch an anime for half a year while being able to recite the original work (manga) by heart.

I believe there should be no objection to giving a 24-year annual anime a score like this. (23 years is my predetermined "The Great Mirror of Heaven")

Looking forward to the next season's Golden Country arc. I wonder if they can finish the Goddess's Monument arc?
Amusing Ourselves to DeathBook100%8/10I finished listening to it over the course of a month; reading non-fiction books in this way feels too superficial.

"People feel pain not because they have replaced thinking with laughter, but because they no longer think about why they laugh."
High School Girl Exorcist Akane! 1Manga100%8/10This author's comedic manga is truly super interesting.
Westworld Season 2TV Series100%7/10The Fumei Squad's storyline is a rare one that isn't too oppressive, although it is a bit boring and somewhat distant from the main plot. However, the intertwining of multiple timelines indeed left me confused.
Westworld Season 3TV Series100%7/10Seeing the editor still alive was somewhat comforting, but then it turned out to be...

The episode revealing Hale's human counterpart was the best. In the end, it was the hosts disrupting human control. What a 1984 plot twist.

Now my life has fewer and fewer intersections with real people; will there come a day when I find that all my online friends have turned into AI one by one?
Westworld Season 4TV Series100%6/10I was shocked to realize that so many years had passed. I was once again played by Nolan's narrative style. At first, I thought the three timelines were the same; it turned out they were three different timelines.

There was also a sense of illusion that there were very few people in it, just a small town's residents. It even made me feel like William could kill everyone in the world. Outsiders, then hosts. It felt like killing for the sake of killing, ruling the world, and then letting the world perish. I really don't think it's necessary to send all these characters to the West.
ServerCatSoftware70%8/10I am now using it to manage the status of all servers under my name.
AppliteSoftware90%8/10I have almost reinstalled all the software on my computer (after all, I previously had a habit of not searching brew for available software before downloading). In the future, I can export the list with brew list --cask in one click.
The Dark BrennhildeAnimation100%7/10The OP made me give it an extra star.

There are no lyrics at all, but combined with the visuals, it's amazing. My favorite character is the gothic double-spiral loli, Kanai.

However, after watching this, I should be able to immediately recognize the level of Okamoto Ren's perversion... Thinking about what the author is drawing now... I have serious doubts about his mental state.
Dune 2Movie100%9/10This was my first time watching a movie in an IMAX theater, and this film is perfect for viewing in IMAX. The sound and visuals deserve a perfect score of 120. However, in the end, I still couldn't remember the plot; I even mistakenly thought the male lead and his mother were a couple at first and said, "Our bloodline," which almost made me think the baby in her belly was theirs. Perhaps I didn't take the first part seriously enough.

After reviewing the later plot, it’s terrible; now I also have precognitive abilities like Paul. Speaking of which, the Attack on Titan's ability to attack was originally borrowed from the Bene Gesserit's abilities in Dune. Under certain conditions, one can see the memories of predecessors and future prophecies. (Isn't this just becoming a slave to fate?) The difference is that in Attack on Titan, future prophecies are selectively given to predecessors by successors to control the past.

Articles#

If There's Anything Else to Say#

Honestly, I feel a bit at a loss. I can only mention some things I plan to do next. I'm not sure if I can accomplish them; let's start with the simple tasks.

Cover Image#

In a cyber bar, naming a drink after myself.

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