niracler

The Shawshank Redemption tells a story that is far more than just about prison; it fits remarkably well when you replace the high walls with work.

About Life Records#

As I write this article, I have been working for a week straight. The first two weekly journals were written in a chronological format, which felt inappropriate, so I switched back to a topic-based narrative. This week, I had four days off and three days of work.

The four days off were basically a cycle of "Reading comics (morning) -> Baldur's Gate (afternoon) -> Watching movies (evening)." The only regret is that I didn't finish Tears of the Kingdom. I had planned to record all the scenic spots in Tears of the Kingdom and complete the remaining two temples during my National Day holiday. I should say that I spent the time for Tears of the Kingdom playing Baldur's Gate instead, not because I found playing Tears of the Kingdom tiring, but because reading comics requires even less brainpower.

On the last day of the holiday, I had a meal with a high school classmate. This was my first offline meeting with a high school classmate since graduating from university. In the past few years of work, I started off on a bad note when looking for a job, so my mental state has been quite low. I haven't had the energy to maintain relationships from university or high school, which is why I haven't reached out to any classmates since graduation. I even became too lazy to send New Year greetings during the holidays. Most of my time outside of work has been spent staying at home. This time, it was my classmate who reached out to me; during our conversation, he mentioned that he had bought a car and was working in the same city as I am. He is much more stable than someone like me, whose financial management skills are in the negative.

Since I took a day off in advance, I also started work a day early, so I began working last Friday. (During the holiday, I really didn't realize that I would face 9 consecutive days of work afterward🤣)

Baldur's Gate 3 - Pre-Experience#

This time, I played with Barry-chan. The game duration is about 20 hours, and I estimate that I haven't even completed 10% of the game, so it's more of an introductory experience. I'm sorry that I haven't reached the time to play this game in my plans, but I should play it again the next time I roll for Baldur's Gate 3. If you want to play, the save file is with you. The next time we play together might be a long time from now, but I will remember the scattered plot points from those four days.

Although it's supposed to be a beginner's experience, it shouldn't be a problem. However, DND has a long history, and I haven't fully understood it yet. So many times, I need to play for half a day and then spend the other half catching up on my knowledge of the game's worldview, which has led to me being spoiled to some extent. But the biggest feature of this game is that veterans and newcomers can be on different power levels after one chapter.

This is my first experience with this alternative turn-based game. I once again feel that turn-based games are my destined genre. Of course, this might just be a self-comfort for someone with poor skills. After all, turn-based games usually don't require much brainpower; simple brute force searching is often enough. Action games, on the other hand, require players to hone their skills and reactions.

However, one challenging aspect of this game is that forming a party is difficult; it's already hard for two people to coordinate, let alone three. The ideal situation for this game is to have a very patient veteran guiding a few newbies. Of course, if that veteran lacks patience, it can easily lead to frustration.

Balancing the roles within the team is very important. For the first two days, we had a team of two mages and one cleric, and we often hit a wall during battles. I have lost count of how many times I made Barry-chan reload the game; on average, I suspect we reloaded at least once every hour.

Irrevocable choices are still difficult. I accidentally missed a lot of plot points. I even had to replay a battle four or five times to save a somewhat attractive female character from an evil faction. Moreover, some characters are destined to die regardless of whether I answer questions correctly. For example, after I killed the two brothers of that girl, I really felt guilty for a while. So actually, during the first playthrough...

(I only have this immature screenshot; Yingxin is really the character I find most visually appealing at this stage)

The Shawshank Redemption - The Hole in the Cell#

Finally, during this holiday, I watched The Shawshank Redemption with my parents. It's hard to believe this movie was made before I was born; the quality and clarity of films back then were already so high, truly world-class. (Definitely not complaining about the 360p of Maid Café 😄)

Andy's "Unquenchable Hope" Left the Deepest Impression on Me#

Whether it was spending 19 years digging a hole in his cell or sending letters every week to request a library, you could call him stubborn, but it was this spirit that ultimately led him to freedom. Even though he was physically imprisoned, the human spirit cannot be confined. Andy always seemed so out of place among the other inmates, who had gradually become "unable to live without prison" over the years, as described in the film, having been institutionalized. The name Andy also reminds me of the Andy (undead) in my recent work Undead, Unlucky; is being undead a manifestation of the spirit of not giving up? (Sorry for the tangent.)

In Reality, More People Are Institutionalized#

In real life, although most people are not in prison, many are gradually being institutionalized in their day-to-day work. They fear unfamiliar environments and things outside their work, not wanting to do repetitive tasks while also being afraid that stepping outside of work will leave them with nothing. To me, the process of institutionalization is essentially a gradual journey toward becoming an NPC, giving up thinking and becoming indistinguishable from death. Is it not true that "Some people are alive, but they are dead"?

For example, many friends and elders around me are limited by their backgrounds and education. When they reach middle age, they often use the excuse of "not having attended university, so I can't compete with university graduates" to refuse modern tools like smartphones and Alipay. Often, they are their own biggest shackles. "He is already a PhD student; how can I compete?" But life is far longer than 30 years; why should we be defined by our 20-something selves? I absolutely do not want to define myself by my past experiences that seem foolish when I am old. However, it may also be because I am still young and cannot truly understand the experiences of their age.

I Always Thought My Job Was Like a Prison Cell Confining Me#

For the past two years, I have been struggling with the issue of working hours, especially the endless 996 work schedule that started after I began my entrepreneurial journey. I often have meetings on weekends that last from ten at night until the next day, or I might finally get a Sunday off, but still have to gather colleagues for team-building activities, which often turn into work mobilization meetings. With colleagues who are "fully committed to work" as examples, I am expected to "always" think about work-related matters 24/7. Watching a movie on the weekend feels like a crime because you will recall it during work hours, affecting your productivity. You can't even share your viewing experience with colleagues because it is seen as a deviant behavior; the ideal work attitude should be that "time outside of work should also be spent discussing work," "time outside of work should be used to learn work-related matters," and "even at 2 AM, if there's an online bug, you should wake up your colleague next door to fix it," as if selling your intellectual rights to work. A couple of weeks ago, I read 2557 Days with Hengshui High School on Dushu, which also mentioned that reading extracurricular books is a big taboo, "because you will remember and reflect on them. The most terrifying thing is that you will keep thinking about them, making it impossible for you to fully commit to studying," so the best management approach is to not allow you personal time. These things have left me physically and mentally exhausted time and again.

This week, I published [[My Thoughts on the 996 Work System]] just to fill space. The content of this article reflects my current thoughts. I have always wanted to discuss this topic with others, but it's hard to bring it up among colleagues or even friends. Colleagues are concerned about work relationships, while friends often find it hard to empathize. I have been pondering this issue, and it has caused me immense pain, as if not thinking about it means I am no longer myself. There was a metaphor that went, "A player who doesn't want to play well and doesn't strive to play well is not a good player." But a game lasts a few hours, not years.

This week, I also saw an HN article discussing the feasibility of a four-day workweek, which made me both laugh and cry 😂. Indeed, when you say that 32 hours can complete the work of a normal 40-hour week, the boss can only say, "Your work content is not saturated enough; we need to give you more work." So my current situation has turned into dragging out work as much as possible, slacking off whenever I can, to the point where I sometimes use work hours to write articles.

Compared to the High Walls of Reality, What Truly Constrains Me Are the Walls of Thought#

The nature of work dictates that I must be fully committed. Ever since I started working at this company, I instinctively struggled to adapt to the uncertainty of work hours, feeling that my available time had drastically decreased. It felt like falling into an abyss, with darkness all around, and I suddenly didn't know where my life was headed. However, I later realized that my discomfort was not just due to the uncertainty of work hours but also because the content of my work had changed. My work shifted from following orders to solve problems to now requiring a more proactive and correct approach to problem-solving. In simple terms, my work has become harder and more exhausting, and it is highly innovative, leading to feelings of confusion and absurdity. So should I immerse myself in simpler, more predictable work? No, I once tried working in a factory on an assembly line during the summer, and I deeply understood how boring assembly line work is because it is predictable and lacks surprises.

The content and nature of my work, as well as the environment, are far better than Andy's Shawshank prison. I have the freedom to explore, and my boss has actually given me that. Unlike the high walls of Shawshank prison or the assembly line work in factories, my current job is filled with uncertainty and surprises, making it a creative job. This is the kind of work format I have always dreamed of. On one hand, I don't want to do repetitive, tedious work, while on the other hand, I am pursuing stable working hours and predictable content. This is a very contradictory mindset; non-repetitive, non-tedious creative work is bound to be difficult, requiring full commitment and drawing on all your knowledge, demanding you to think, think, and think again.

If we allow ourselves too much freedom, we may become even worse off. People are inherently lazy; without external management, we cannot achieve self-discipline. Just like during this National Day holiday, I had more time, but I ended up doing less of what I planned, even neglecting to write my weekly journal. Therefore, internal regulation within the company may be more effective than self-discipline. In fact, my boss has also considered that allowing us too much rest time is futile; we are likely to waste that time. His point is that rather than giving us more after-class time to waste, it is better to assign us some growth-oriented work, allowing us to grow while working.

I found what I believe to be the answer to this issue in Liang Qichao's "Dedication and Joy in Work." (Below is the content I quoted)

"Every profession is interesting as long as you are willing to continue doing it; interest will naturally arise." Why? First, because every profession has many layers and twists; if you immerse yourself in it and observe its changes and progress, it becomes most intimate and enjoyable. Second, because every achievement in a profession is inseparable from hard work; step by step, the effort adds to the joy. Third, the nature of the profession often requires comparison with peers, much like a competition, gaining pleasure from winning. Fourth, focusing on a profession eliminates many distractions and idle thoughts, saving you from endless boredom. --- Liang Qichao Dedication and Joy in Work

Constant internal conflict cannot solve my problems; the best way to combat anxiety is to take action. So the key here is that I need to adjust my problem-solving mindset, not just to solve problems but to think more about the underlying issues behind them and address them at their root. One of my colleagues, who is a mentor to me, tends to focus on getting things done rather than getting caught up in meaningless dilemmas like I do. He is now not only the most successful employee in our company but also has a project with nearly a thousand stars and some fame. At least he doesn't choose to escape, while I have been choosing to avoid. I should accept the uncertainty of work; this does not mean that such uncertainty is reasonable. I need to use my wisdom and initiative to turn this uncertainty into certainty.

My thoughts may be immature, and I can't even say they are self-consistent. However, discomfort in the mind is also discomfort in physiology, and it needs to be addressed. So I have to give myself an answer that I can somewhat accept. Otherwise, I won't be able to sleep at night. I just feel that I must think this issue through clearly, at least to give myself a passing answer. Never give up hope; even in the extreme environment of Shawshank prison, Andy still dug his own hole and regained his freedom. Where is the hole I am digging? For me, I think starting to write articles is the hole I am digging in my life, just like the senior in Sleeping Idiot.

Works#

There are many anime that just released an episode, and I directly finished reading the manga, and I feel that I won't continue watching the anime anymore.

Articles#

• 【Idiot】What is Concrete Love, What is Abstract? - After watching it, I realized that my original understanding was flawed. For example, I like the character Gojo Satoru, but recently his image has collapsed, yet I still like this character. So my later liking has become somewhat abstract? Liking a virtual character is also concrete.
• Pkgx – “Run anything” from the creator of brew - I knew that whenever someone talks about package managers on HN, the conversation inevitably drifts towards Nix. The previous article about asdf was the same. But this kind of discussion is like, "Why doesn't everyone use vim? It's so powerful." The ease of use of software is also a very important metric; it may not perfectly solve problems, but it can easily fit 99% of scenarios.
• The Overlooked Scientific History Mystery in the Movie Oppenheimer - Sorting out key historical nodes can help you better watch the movie. It also analyzes Heisenberg's historical mystery in great detail with a scientific spirit.
• Hatred of Understanding and Becoming (Reading Library 2304) Book Review - A reflection on 2557 Days with Hengshui High School, which mentions the concept of institutionalization in The Shawshank Redemption.
• How a four-day workweek works, from the companies pulling it off - Foreigners are actually discussing the feasibility of a four-day workweek...

Postscript#

I accidentally wrote too much; every time I write an article of this length, I can clearly feel my inability to handle it. If I were to carefully consider every sentence, I feel it would take a long time and lead to writer's block. However, I actually wanted my weekly journal to be a bit more relaxed; I don't want to write it so exhaustively, and perhaps I just want to finish it in one go without revising. I realize that I have many verbal tics in my writing, and I feel I need to change that. For example, "actually," "discover," and "feel" are all manifestations of my lack of culture, vocabulary, and word power.

If you want to get my latest updates or want to find me, feel free to follow my personal channel: https://t.me/niracler_channel, although most of the time it's just a lot of meaningless chatter. Or just my own psychological activities that only I understand.